By Bruce Eaton

In a step to curb lobster violence, CrustaStun will show them there are penalties for thier actions (like clawing at your defenseless fingers). Using a 110 volt – 2-5 amp current and placed in the CrustaStun, the crustacean will experience an interruption of nervous system functions; it will not feel pain according to Dr. Dave Robb at Bristol University, and will succinctly die and be ready to bath in garlic butter sauce heaven. [Also scientifically proven] The result is that it reduces stress & improves meat quality in terms of texture & flavour.

You have to schedule a meeting to get pricing, so I have no idea of cost, but to be able to kill all the crustacea I care to eat easily is nice. Also the device boasts that it “Can be used by unskilled staff”, so no worries about operation simplicity. They also have a Continuous Flow Stunner for your genocidal war on the shellfish.


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A graduate of Colgate University, Bruce is one of the elite Henro or pilgrims who have completed the 900 mile 88 Temple Pilgrimage on the island of Shikoku, Japan by means of foot power, a feat (no pun intended.... ok maybe alittle) which is no laughing matter. He not only finished this task with a crippling leg injury but he has attained enlightenment according to the monks on Koyasan. Currently the 23 year old is living in San Antonio where he spends his time working as a Data Analyst but also trying to accomplish his next great challenge, drinking all 200 beers at the Flying Saucer. Having recently married his long time friend from college and seen as nuts for doing so, Bruce relishes his life and hot dogs generously. KANPAI!!


  1. Do Lobsters Scream? …

    I was just reading about the CrustaStun at OhGizmo.? The claim is that it kills lobsters quickly so they don’t suffer.? This reminded me of the popular myth that lobsters scream when cooked alive.? The truth is that they don’t.? Lobsters live und…

  2. Well, this line belongs in the English Grammar Hall of Shame:
    “Using a 110 volt – 2-5 amp current and placed in the CrustaStun, the crustacean will experience an interruption…”

    Anyone allowing a lobster to use 2 to 5 amps of house current needs parenting lessons, that’s for sure!

    As for the scream myth, it’s boiled watervapor escaping through small orifices, usually happening only when the cook heaves the lil’ armored bugger into a pot of already-boiling water.

    I agree with Larry Niven: anything that works that hard to protect itself deserves not to be eaten. (On the other hand, anyone who, in the 21st century, thinks eating meat is mentally ill is suffering from delusions of adequacy and needs more red meat in his/her diet.)

  3. My favourite means of dispatching the overgrown mudbugs is just cutting them in half with a heavy chef’s knife. Or, if you’re Australian, knoife.

    A lobster’s “brain” is smaller than a penny. It’ll be dead before it knows it’s in trouble.